I survived. The plane flew fine except for turbulence, and good thing I didn’t find out about the change of course- right over the ocean instead of following the land- or I would have gripped onto the arm rests eve harder. I watched 3 films on the plane- all chick flicks in honour of my mate I had just stayed with who loves them. I saw Bride Wars (absolute rubbish) and He’s Just Not Into You (alright on a plane I suppose- they did play The Cure at the end. And then I started watching The Young Victoria which seemed alright except I didn’t get to see the ending.
I arrived back at 6am in the Uk and then stayed awake til 10pm to try to get into British time straight away, except now I am very tired as I seem to have missed a night’s sleep somewhere a long the way. Yesterday was thunderstorms here but today it seems pretty sunny and summery, and I am off to a nearby town to get me hair cut.
Now I am back I have some photos to take off my digital camera, some money to sort out and some clothes to wash. I am also pretty worried about going back to my studies on Monday. Still not sure if it is the right decision. Sure, a masters degree from a good institution will look good on the CV, but I am worried about working all hours, working weekends, being stressed, taking it out on MrC, resenting being there and getting depressed. And also failing, and not being good enough. If I work long hours I will not like it, but if I don’t, they won’t like me. And the truth is I like having free time after work to sew, to go running, to see friends, to cook, to read. Last night I met the girls and professors from my second job, one who has a PhD in microbiology, and she said it’s about determination, I’ll only be back for 6 months, and just to suck it up really and work the long hours cos it’s worth it. Thing is to me, I’m not sure if it is worth it anymore. I don’t want to be depressed, even for 6 months of my life; life is short, but I guess that is also an argument for making the most of it and getting this bloody masters. It’s easier to quit when you’ve quit once before too.
So I want it, and I don’t want it. I want to work hard but set boundaries and treat it like a job, but I think they will take that as not being dedicated, and not be happy if I am not there til 9pm or in on Sundays. But I shouldn’t care what it looks like, that’s stupid, I should just get the work done. But I feel a lot of it is about what you look like.
Ok, enough of this talk that is already stressing me out, off to have a shower and try to wake myself up.
9 Comments
You’re back! I’m not a good flyer at all. My usual sitting position is a little off the seat, one hand on the chair in front, the other digging into somebody’s arm. Then i relax and stare out the window for ages before I realise I’m a gazillion miles up in the air and i resume digging my nails into people.
Returning to studies is scary but if you manage your time well there will be no reason to get stressed, take ages doing it or having it stop you from having a life. And it’s part of Mr C’s job to act as punching bag so it’s all good
By the sounds of it, you had a wonderful trip to the US. And now it’s back to the reality of life. All those thoughts we battle…making decisions and following through on them…second guessing ourselves…battling old demons that say things like “You quit before.” or “You can’t do this.” or “Do this or people won’t like you.” I think we all go through this and I wish I had some really good advice for you.
I hope that all goes well with starting your studies on Monday. I don’t think you can go wrong with learning more and when you know it’s for 6 months at least it’s not years….lol. Since I have never went to college, I cannot imagine what it’s like but I have my children’s experiences to look at and I know it’s not easy. I have a daughter that works full time and goes to school also and she says it’s hell trying to get it all done and doesn’t leave time for much else. I keep reminding her that it is just for a season and that in the big picture, it really is a short time of sacraficing some of those things, in order to get the education she wants or needs to move to the next step of her life.
Good luck to you my dear friend. I apologize for not being around for the last month. Thank you for checking up on me recently….means a lot to me. This is my first day on the computor in many many days. I miss the connecting with people. I miss writing. Some how I will work my way back! LOL! Hugs and love, Lori
Doesn’t the end of holidays and back to reality suck? And shouldn’t it be back TO blighty? Good luck with the Masters thing. I think your friend is right to some extent. If you’ve made the decision just get on with it. Get it done and go from there. Do you have to deal with our favorite professor much?
I just started school a week ago. I can already feel the stress of it and work coming along..
I’m not going to get another break until I graduate either, which will be in about a year. I’m gonna power through it though.
Glad you had fun in the US. Can’t wait to see some pictures.
Suck it up baby!!!! Dr O’C TOLD you not to do it!!!!!!!
Nah, come on. No one likes to contemplate the hard road but just keep your eyes on the prize. This too shall pass.
And that’s enough biblical references for one night. Welcome home.
you can do it! I always think its the pay off in the end that counts
glad to see you back safe from the states. Cant wait to see more photos!
Well, lovely, school is hard and stressful but as I was telling Butterfly Charlie earlier today I have started to figure out the things I should stress over those that I shouldn’t, meaning: some things are more important than others. No matter what happens with my graduate school, unless I fail, I will be receiving the same degree as everyone else so my “A” in a class doesn’t really matter because the kids who earned Cs? Yeah, they get the same degree as me!
I have struggled a bit with the “is this what I want question?” but I’m so close to finishing there is no point in me quitting now.
You and MrC will be fine as long as he pitches in to help a bit more than he usually does. Irish has been helping more and it’s freakin’ awesome. I still do nice things for him, just not as much as before.
You’ll be great, I just know it!
Keep us posted and good luck =)
I think its good You want to get that degree. If You can manage it, and have some extra time to spare go and get it! I would do the same thing if I could. Its stress, its time spent (but spent well), and also some insomnia can get involvet when You work from 7 to 5 and need to learn from 6 to 4.
It all takes time especially juggling a job and going to school. I think after a couple of months you will know exactly what you want.